DOES IT HAVE AN ATMOSPHERE? NO? SCREW IT: Via Dane Carlson comes the news that astronomers have found eleven new moons of Jupiter but they're all of the tiny, rocky variety. We need a way to distinguish true, good moons like our very own Moon and Titan and Ganymede and Io from all the tiny little Manhattan-sized rocks people are trying to pass off as moons, like the shitty little moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos. Call them captured objects or captured asteroids or space rocks or something, otherwise every little Charon and Phoebe is going to be clamoring for moon-status and this will lead to chaos, I'll tell ya what.

And yes I called Phobos and Deimos "shitty little moons." That makes me.....wait for it.....an ANTI MARTITE! HAHAHAHA! Get it?