AIN'T NOTHING TO IT BUT TO DO IT: The one D.O. I talked to said he sweated over his personal statement a lot because if you don't know somebody in the school, it's hard to get in and he was the first person from his family to attempt med school. The other guy I talked to, a third-year osteopathic student, said the essay was the least of my worries; that, basically, admissions is all a numbers game and what they do is they double your MCAT score, multiply your regular GPA and your science GPA by ten and if that number is above 120 (and I think mine is) the chances are good you're going to get in somewhere. Maybe not where you really really want to get in--it's a crapshoot, just like undergrad was. But you've made the basic qualifications, and then the letters get factored in, which are good to have--it's always good to know people--and then the essay comes in somewhere. It's actually something for the interviewer to read so he or she can have some questions for you when you come in for the interview, god willing. I'm going with the other guy; his story makes me optimistic.

He said in his essay he talked about why he took so long to get through undergrad. And I'm saying to myself, hey, I can tell a similar tale. I mean, I got through undergrad okay, but it was in creative writing, and so it was essentially a four-year seminar on Like Skills For Dead-end Jobs. And then how I meandered, and went back to undergrad, and took some science classes to see what I could do, and here I am. You see? It's just my last ten years. This stuff writes itself.

He also said the way to the fat fat checks was medical school, a year of internship, and then law school, and then a lovely career managing the intersections between medicine and law. At 29, I'm probably too old to get that much more educated, but I am so not opposed to the fat fat checks.

If any admissions boards Google me--um, I just want to help people. Helping people fills me with a radiant glow. I'd do it for free, actually, and am planning on joining Medecins Sans Frontieres at some point. And turning it into a global for-profit primary practice conglomerate. Wait....

So. It's still early. Get essays done. Sit back and let the admissions coinflipping happen. Dig it, daddy-o.