CAFFEINE: Caffeine is a vast conspiracy. It doesn't keep you awake when you don't want to be awake. Stopping drinking it at a reasonable hour doesn't let you fall asleep any faster.

It's like when your older relatives would give you grape juice and tell you it was wine and you would feel like you were drunk. Caffeine--it's an empty molecule, and I only act like my conception of what I think I am like when I am awake and not straying into sleep. That, or years of exposure have burnt out my caffeine receptors.

Julian Sanchez analyzing the President is freakin' great.