THAT 70s NBA CHAMPIONSHIP: So it's Spurs vs. Nets in the 2-double-O-3. Your mandatory ABA jokes are: they should go back to the red, white and blue ball, everyone should wear afros, the away team should have to be on drugs. Or vice versa--as long as homecourt advantage means something. There you go.

How 'bout Steve Kerr last night? And Stephen Jackson? Jackson's game is probably more impressive, since we all know Kerr is great--maybe we didn't think he could still do what he did last night, but he's been resting for months, it's not like Horry and the Lakers where they were forced to give a bench guy major minutes. But Jackson, like the rest of the non-Duncan Spurs, has been prrrretty sketchy throughout the playoffs, so I personally didn't expect him to do what he did last night. I thought the Spurs would go into the dump-to-Duncan offense yet again and we'd have game seven and Dirk back and Dallas and destiny and everything. I guess all the Spurs need is to have one of their great yet erratic players to have a good game (Parker, Jackson, Ginobili) and to have it happen a few times in a series and the Spurs can win win win.

Anyhow, I love the Spurs, I love the Nets, there's nobody for me to really hate on either side ( if Dallas had won I would have brought the Najera hate to my viewing experience) so here's hoping the basketball gods give us a good series. I really want to see at what point Byron Scott wheels out Dikembe Mutombo. And how well Parker can play in the face of a Kidd onslaught. And the Martin-Duncan matchup. And whatever Manu comes up with. So many questions, so much intrigue.....I feel like Bill Walton, "the GRAND STAGE of the NBA" and all that. Oh man, how I wish ABC had the Albert/Van Gundy/Fratello team, the best on TV which had their final broadcast together last night. Where's that mute button....

NEVER MIND FANTAGRAPHICS: Save Eros Comics. Everybody else can go get published at Top Shelf or Alternative or wherever, but without Eros the high-quality porno comics we all know and love will disappear. So--for the sake of the dirty picture stories--save Fantagraphics. And never mind the irony.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE: But here's Charlie Murtaugh explaining to you, too, why The Usual Suspects stinks on ice. Maybe he can explain next why so many people like The Shawshank Redemption--another godawful, inexplicably popular movie. I mean, what is it? Tim Robbins getting prison raped? Morgan Freeman with one facial expression? A Steven King movie that people who hate Steven King can watch in relative comfort with King fanboys? What?

ANYHOW: Did anybody catch O'Reilly last night? How did Jacob do?

FEED YOUR O'REILLY HATE: I was looking around for the transcript of Jacob Sullum on Bill O'Reilly last night and I didn't find it but I did find a previous one. And a whole bunch of other ones of poor Bill getting out-argued. Cooool.

EWING THEORY UPDATE: Yes, it took a blow with the Mavs beating the Webber-free Kings, but here's Buck Harvey in the San Antonio Express-News implicitly endorsing it:

Nelson might have evened the series if he'd had Dirk Nowitzki. Years from now, when they look back at this series, everyone will see Nowitzki's absence as the difference.

But the Spurs' staff said afterward they wished he'd played. They said this privately, too, because it sounds nutty: The Mavericks were actually better for one night without Nowitzki.

The other Mavericks came harder and looser, freed from expectations, with a chance to divide up Nowitzki's shots. When Steve Nash, Nick Van Exel and Michael Finley all tossed in threes early for quick leads, Nellie was on his way to getting credit for everything.

He's writing about game four, which the Mavs lost, and not game five, which they won, but it still applies.

THANK YOU, WASHINGTON POST SPORTS SECTION: Teams Without City Need No Pity. Preach on, Brother Strahan:

But if New Jersey has its detractors, it also has its champions. New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan, whose team plays just a few parking lots and overpasses away, has friends on both the Nets' and the Devils' rosters and believes "New Jersey could become the new sports mecca of the United States.

"There's nothing wrong with New Jersey," he says. "Everyone thinks New Jersey is this horrible place full of chemical plants and Tony Soprano look-alikes, but it's absolutely beautiful once you get away from the area right around the arena. There are parks and golf courses everywhere. This is the Garden State, man."

SO ANYWAY: What's the good-natured bet between Governor McGreevey and the mayor of Anaheim going to be? Half of Bruce Springsteen for all of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? I'd pull that trade in a minute. We'd have a diminished Bruce (I'm not specifying which half of him we'd keep, and hopefully Anaheim wouldn't catch on until it was too late) but you could stick Mr. Toad in the middle of Great Adventure and I'd finally have a reason to go there. Or on the boardwalk in Wildwood--that would rock. Go Devils! Win us the best thing Uncle Walt ever came up with.

It'd be a better bet than whatever crate-of-Jersey-tomatos vs. crate-of-Mickey-Mouse-ears they've probably already good-naturedly shook on. Ah well.

GARDEN STATE PRIDE: Your New Jersey Nets and your New Jersey Devils are playing for the NBA Championship and the Stanley Cup. Two franchises with limited fan support because they play in an arena in the middle of nowhere. Two franchises that--I mean--I'm not even sure why they exist, except somebody must be making a buck off them; there's no crying need from us Jerseyites for them. Apathy is our credo, that whole valley of humility between two mountains of conceit thing. And yet, here we and they are. Wow.

Don't be fooled, though, whenever anybody says anything about New York on national broadcasts. These are Jersey teams--New York couldn't give a crap. Why do you think I hate the Knicks so much?

RIC BUCHER IS HIGH: There's no way the Spurs should go after Jason Kidd off-season. None. Not the way Tony Parker's been playing. Get somebody who will keep your team distinctive when David Robinson retires--get Jermaine O'Neal or Brad Miller. But don't get somebody who's going to minimize Tony Parker. It's crazy.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2003-2004 CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: LeBron James, Dajuan Wagner, Ricky Davis, Carlos Boozer, Darius Miles, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. With Paul Silas or Jeff Van Gundy coaching. Yikes. Not that I'm expecting them to win a lot of games or anything, but a team that was entertaining and nutty last year (and was a League Pass favorite) just got more entertaining, nuttier, and better to boot. Will Ricky get crazier and become a true locker room cancer or will he prosper under an actual good coach? We shall see.

COOL LITTLE BIT OF SPORTS REPORTING: Mitch Albom hangs out with Joe Dumars on NBA Lottery night. Of course, it's interesting because the Pistons had a happy ending: they get to pick second in the draft, which was as high as they could get this year, due to an earlier debacle where they would get Memphis' pick if it wasn't #1. All signs point to Darko in Detroit next year.

NEVER MIND ANNIKA: Michelle Wie wants to win it all:

[I]t's well-documented that Wie wants to compete on both men's and women's tours, with the ultimate goal of slipping on a green jacket at the Masters. "I would like to play in the Masters by winning either the U.S. Amateur or Public Links or by reaching the top world golf ranking," she said.

Lofty goals indeed. But not surprising to her father, B.J. "She also wants to be the first female to earn a PGA Tour card and become the truly number one player in the world," he said via e-mail. "Although these goals are very difficult to achieve, she seems to enjoy setting the highest standard and works really hard to reach that level. "

B.J. believes the Boise Open will be a good first step. "This opportunity will be a crucial stepping-stone for Michelle to experience what the PGA Tour feels like much in advance of her golf career. We want Michelle to take advantage of this opportunity to gain more experience from playing with PGA Tour members on one of the best golf courses in the country."

As Steve Sailer has suggested, if any woman is going to play at an equal level with men, it's going to be someone who has always played against men--like Wie.

ONCE AGAIN: Head on over to diNboT's, download "I'm Watching 4 U" and listen to it until you can't remember what the original music Britney sang to sounded like. It's working for me.

OH COOL: Plan to keep traditional Big East rivalries alive:

Initial planning for a future without Miami, Boston College and Syracuse included exploration of a plan proposed by former commissioner and Big East founder Dave Gavitt. It might be the best plan for salvaging college football and basketball in the Northeast.

The plan calls for a confederation or alliance, with two eight-team leagues - one for basketball and one for football. Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese would serve as the chief executive officer of both leagues and a commissioner would be appointed for each.

The five remaining football schools - Virginia Tech, Pittsburgh, West Virginia, Rutgers and UConn - would anchor an eight-team all-sports league. Temple would likely be asked to rejoin that league. Louisville and Central Florida are two possibilities mentioned to bring the membership to eight.

There also is talk of congressional action that could help the Big East maintain its Bowl Championship Series status.

The second league would start with the six remaining non-football Catholic schools - St. John's, Seton Hall, Villanova, Georgetown, Providence and Notre Dame - and two additions from a strong pool that would include DePaul, Marquette, Dayton and Xavier.

According to Gavitt's plan, the two conferences would play intraleague games in a weekend basketball festival to begin the season at Madison Square Garden, then play four crossover games during the season to maintain longtime Big East rivalries. The games would count in the overall standings.

Remember: Big East=basketball.

ENCOURAGING BIG EAST OPINION: Curiously from Mike Harris of the Richmond Times-Dispatch, a paper not in a Big East city:

Louisville.

Cincinnati.

Memphis.

There you go.

That's the solution to what is ailing the Big East Conference, a league that has the departure of Miami, Syracuse and Boston College hanging over its proud head. The Atlantic Coast Conference wants those three, and most observers think the ACC is going to get those three. That has the Big East in something of a tizzy.

De-tizzy yourself and let them go graciously if that's what they indeed decide. Shake hands, pat backs, wish each other well and get on with life.

This is a setback. This is not a death sentence.

More:

The football would not be as strong. The Big East would be losing a powerhouse (Miami), a very strong program (BC) and a once-solid program that is starting the downward fall (Syracuse). It would be gaining two solid programs (Louisville, Cincinnati) and one that could use some propping up. Being in a league with the likes of Virginia Tech, Pittsburgh and West Virginia - a league that would have a BCS slot - could go a long way in that propping up process.

Eventually, it could be just as good. Few imagined the Big East would be as good as it is now, and look what happened.

Basketball-wise, the league is losing things in reverse of football with the current national champion (Syracuse), a very solid program (BC) and a program that has faded some after a few good years. But the additions would be a bonanza. You'd be adding a glittery assortment of coaches in Louisville's Rick Pitino, Cincinnati's Bob Huggins and Memphis' John Calipari. Throw those three in to a league that already has Connecticut's Jim Calhoun, West Virginia's John Beilein and Notre Dame's Mike Brey and you have a coaching all-star club.

It would, of course, be a geographically silly Big East, unless by East you mean "East of the Mississippi."

PROBABLY HOPELESSLY UNREALISTIC BIG EAST/ACC SQUABBLE SOLUTION: Why don't the viable ACC and Big East teams form a pan-East coast football megaconference? You could have a Big Atlantic Coast North:

Syracuse
B.C.
Pittsburgh
UConn
Maryland

A Big Atlantic Coast Central:

Duke
North Carolina
North Carolina State
Virginia
Virginia Tech
West Virginia

And a Big Atlantic Coast South:

Clemson
Georgia Tech
Florida State
Miami
South Florida

Everyone else can go sod off, including the godawful Rutgers program. UConn we leave in because 1. though probably godawful, they haven't been proven godawful yet, and 2. they only went Division I because the Big East told them to, so let's have a little pity. Otherwise, you're stuck with an ACC with two geographically isolated members with no natural rivalries with the rest of the conference. Kind of like Miami and the Big East right now. Who let them in, anyway?

REMEMBER YOUR LOTTERY CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Bill Simmons is saying Chicago or New York is getting LeBron. We shall see.

OH WAIT--THE NBA LOTTERY IS TONIGHT AT 8: Sorry about that. Don't sue, please--it's an insolvent republic.

NBA LOTTERY TONIGHT AT 8: Imagine if the Clippers got the first pick. Even Donald Sterling couldn't screw up LeBron--right? Right?