Wednesday, December 18, 2002

HOPEFULLY UNIVERSALLY FUNNY: Lang Whitaker has up his NBA quotes of the year up and they should be funny even if you're not a basketball fan. The SLAM LINKS disappear after a while, my blog's archives last a little longer so I'll stick up the ones I found funniest here:

"I do not waste my time in answering abuse. I thrive under it, like a field that benefits from manure." -- Shaq, in a sign worn on his jersey one day during practice.

"IN HINDU CULTURE, THE ELEPHANT IS TALL, REGAL, MAJESTIC, STRONG, POWERFUL AND ENIGMATIC. A HINDU PROVERB STATES THAT WHEN AN ELEPHANT IS DOWN EVEN A FROG WILL KICK HIM. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, PLASCHKE?" -- Shaquille O'Neal, in a message written on a piece of paper that he wore taped to his jersey at Lakers practice yesterday, referring to a column in the LA Times by Bill Plaschke saying that Shaq needed to be held accountable for throwing a punch at Brad Miller.

"Shit, we won the game, man. I don't want to hear that bullshit. We won the fucking game." -- Sam Cassell on the tirade from coach George Karl after the Bucks barely beat the Pacers.

"He's a guy that has a lot of talent, but he's easily swayed to do other things besides concentrate and try to get better...No disrespect to Stevie, but he couldn't get off the bench with the group we have now. That's just the honest-to-goodness truth." -- Byron Scott, on former Nets forward Stephen Jackson.

"I'm kind of shocked to hear him say that, out of all people. If that was his opinion, he should have told me that. Regardless how he feels, I'm still going to be in the NBA. So he can kiss my ass." -- Stephen Jackson's response.

"Curling [the winter olympic 'sport'] ain't nothing but dusting...I want my Grandma to get off her old behind and get her an Olympic medal to go with my two medals. She can dust." -- Charles Barkley.

"I was a Cadillac with the back windows shot out when they bought me, so they're going to ride it or put it in the shop. The windows still ain't fixed, so what do you want? It's still $3,099, take it or leave it. [Expletive]. [Expletive]. I ain't really said nothing yet. I'm going to do me a book." -- Charles Oakley.

"I'll just keep eating my bread, sipping my soup and serving my time. But the chicken is going to lay some more eggs one day." -- Charles Oakley.

"Now, if you say the fans and everybody want to know about you, we're going to call the Maloofs now and they are going to make a glass shower and everybody from Sacramento can come and watch me take a shower." -- Vlade Divac.

"I'm frustrated with my son in school sometimes and I can't trade him." -- Sam Cassell, on the recent struggles in Milwaukee.

"Legends don't retaliate to average high school players, and he is an average high school player." -- Shaq, on confronting Danny Fortson after a hard foul.

"It's handicapped all right. You got eight tow trucks and eight tow cars. They all look the same." -- Charles Oakley, on the Eastern Conference playoff situation.

"I don't even think Yao Ming is worth a top-10 pick." -- Mark Cuban, on Finley-for-Yao trade rumors.

Read the links every day and be entertained.

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