MARCH MADNESS IN THE MCI CENTER: My brother John had tickets for the UConn-NC State and Maryland-Wisconsin doubleheader. We were there as impartial observers, as neither of us had a lot of rooting interest in any of the teams present, though both of us will be World's Biggest Gary Williams Fans if Maryland plays Duke at any point. And John was pulling for UConn at some point, I think mostly to cheese off the Wolfpack fans (there was a lot of them) who haven't been in the tourney for a long time.

We were way in the upper deck so I rented a pair of binoculars to watch for cheap fouls and to ogle the cheerleaders. I think I witnessed an actual Clash Of Cultures in having the Wisconsin and Maryland cheerleaders on the same floor at the same time; the Wisonsin girls were attired like the cheerleaders in Hoosiers, the Maryland ones were attired like the cheerleaders in Showgirls. Wisconsin girls: ribbons in the hair, long sleeves under the cheerleaders outfits, attractive in a wholesome way. Maryland girls: hair all done up, visible makeup, tiny outfits. And the male Maryland cheerleaders barely did anything. I think they were the bouncers.

Biggest Clash of Cultures moment: the Maryland Laker Girls are out there doing a decidedly non-elaborate routine involving holding up Go Terps signs, just being in the we're-foxy-chicks, you-cheer-now mode. The Wisconsin cheerleaders male and female respond by going into an amazingly hilarious synthesis of line dancing and what was thought to be polka by those around me. Swing your partner dosey-do right out there on the hardwood. The Wisconsin Cheerleading Team: Letting it all hang out.

Maryland destroyed Wisconsin, by the way. Wisconsin fans can take solace in the fact that the Wisconsin band destroyed the Maryland band by being much louder, funner, and by playing a five-minute Queen medley that included "Fat Bottom Girls." I was grooving.