PROBABLY HOPELESSLY UNREALISTIC BIG EAST/ACC SQUABBLE SOLUTION: Why don't the viable ACC and Big East teams form a pan-East coast football megaconference? You could have a Big Atlantic Coast North:

Syracuse
B.C.
Pittsburgh
UConn
Maryland

A Big Atlantic Coast Central:

Duke
North Carolina
North Carolina State
Virginia
Virginia Tech
West Virginia

And a Big Atlantic Coast South:

Clemson
Georgia Tech
Florida State
Miami
South Florida

Everyone else can go sod off, including the godawful Rutgers program. UConn we leave in because 1. though probably godawful, they haven't been proven godawful yet, and 2. they only went Division I because the Big East told them to, so let's have a little pity. Otherwise, you're stuck with an ACC with two geographically isolated members with no natural rivalries with the rest of the conference. Kind of like Miami and the Big East right now. Who let them in, anyway?