AN EXPERIMENT IN THRIFT: Because buying those hoagies for dinner every night adds up, even if the guy at the hoagie place is nice to you and knocks off the non-integer part of your bill so you always pay four bucks. Plus you--look, enough with the Royal You? Plus I asked him once what kind of soccer was on the television and he says Argentinian and I'm like, "Oh, like Boca Juniors?" and he's astonished that I have heard of the famous everywhere-but-here Boca Juniors.

But that's how they git you. By being nice to you. But I will be swayed by the small businessman's charms no longer; I will now--eat cheap.

I have purchased the following, for 16 bucks and change:

Six frozen chicken parms, On-Cor brand
Six frozen salisbury steaks, On-Cor brand
Platter of frozen On-Cor macaroni and cheese
Bag of Giant broccoli
Bag of Giant green beans
Giant capellini
Giant grape soda
Giant Dr. Pepper

THIS--This will be cooked by me, at home. It will be brought by me to work in portion sizes similar to tv dinners of the KFC minimeals. (And have you had one yet? Chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes and a biscuit for four and change. Five and change if you add the corn on the cob. Or the hot 'n' tasty mini apple pies. I could go for.....no. Colonel--I'm sorry. You're a fine man. A fine American. But I have to do what's best for me. Well, if that's wut you think, Justin. I can't argue with a man standin' up fer his principles. I'm glad you understand. The Burger King--he didn't understand. He thought he had a divine right to serve me bacon double cheeseburgers, extra mayo, extra pickles. Son, you just have to understand that people do things diff'rent in the Old World. Here, we have a democracy. But other people in other lands--you jes' haveta leave them do as they will. I know, sir. I'll try to be more understanding.) It will feed me for--well, we'll see. Hopefully longer than a week, which it would have to to move into the money-saving realm.

Next week, though. This week: the comical attempt to get the MCAT scores up a few points. I'm suddenly losing my appetite....