THE TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT WORKING IN THE OFFICE LATE AT NIGHT OR ON THE WEEKENDS WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS AROUND: Can I reach ten? We shall see.

1. Not wearing shoes.

2. Not wearing pants. I haven't actually done this, but it is within the realm of possiblity.

3. Having out the little black and white teevee in the background and not worrying about anybody giving me shit about it.

4. Copying materials not directly related to work. Let me rephrase that: that's something I could do--but it would be wrong.

5. Peeing with the door open. I don't even do that at home.

6. Making a whole pot of coffee and only having a few cups. Plus--free cream and sugar.

7. Not having to sneak the occasional nose pick. I'M OUT THERE, JERRY, AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

8. Reading comics on the can. Sure, I can do that at home--but what grown person reads comics on the can at work?

9. Throwing all my trash on the floor. (I pick it up before I leave.)

10. Scaring the crap out of myself at 10:15 at night and half the office is dark and I swear I heard the office door open and there's footsteps down the hall and I ignore it at first but then I have to get up and look and--and there's nobody there. Just the office humming, keeping me at a comfortable room temperature.

There. I apologize that two of the items were bathroom-related.