WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY: Joanne Jacobs points out this goofy piece by Stephanie Salter where Jesus talks to W. Joanne takes it apart far better than I could. I love this exchange:

SALTER: Dear brother, you are right to want to stop evil. The tricky part for humans has always been, what is the best way to stop it? My four-letter answer is written, over and over, in the Bible, but it has been ignored by potentates, peons and sometimes popes for 2,000 years. Why? Because it contradicts the human instinct for vengeance.

JACOBS: I'm good with crossword puzzles, but I had a hard time with the four-letter answer. "Peace" is too long. So is "cheek," as in "turn the other." "Pray" would work. But I think she means "love.'' (Hey, I'm Jewish. "Love'' doesn't appear all that often in our Bible; "smite'' gets more play, though it's five letters.)

I'm noticing that Jesus is not claiming to be the son of Allah, called the "One Who Creates All" in the Salter creative-writing thing. I'm glad He clarified that. Anyway, if you read it, read it in the Bill Cosby voice of God ("Noah." "WHAT?") or the Holy Grail voice of God. Or maybe the South Park voice of Jesus. It's funnier that way.