IDEA FOR SOME KIND OF WEIRD ART PORNO: It would involve an enchanted penis. Not in a good way either--more of a cursed penis. The lead character would find himself handling his package at odd moments and then this weird throbbing techno music would gradually start playing and the landscape would suddenly become pornographic. His cursed penis, it seemed, was a kind of gate between some fantastic reality shadowing our own, where every whim was given expression. Gradually it began to consume him and threaten the world around him.

See, with good casting, the sex parts would take care of themselves, but the weirdness and pathetic attempt at a plot would make it art-porno--which is not quite art, of course, but something that looks like porn but is not chiefly intended for use as a self-gratification tool. Wait--that is art. Anyway, I'm sure this can be done relatively cheaply, and will launch my career as black-sunglasses-wearing porn-punk auteur. It'll be just to get 'em talking--then I'll move on to the five-part Cinemascope mature audiences epics for Vivid, which will either be my sellout phase or my maturity as an artist, where I will bring to life the Great American Porno I've had playing in my head for years. Then would be my decadent phase and you'd--you'd want to avert your eyes from THAT.